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She needs to grow up and be a wife. Her children are grown and as he pointed out…there will be a guest room.
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I assume you are grown, and I answer as such. Your father has the right to be happy, especially given the fact that this is a 30 year old decree.
His wife knew this was coming and I think she is trying to talk him out of it. If his mind is made up, he has every right.
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Not really… I would never divorce someone over location. After all, my husband is in the Army and I’ve had to move away from my entire family and life to be with him. It sucks, so I can see why your step mother would be apprehensive about moving. This is just something they will have to work out by themselves and hopefully find a compromise. To me, a divorce over something like that would be ridiculous. They are married. They made a commitment. And they are both being selfish to a certain extent.
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That is no reason for a divorce. Why can’t he find a small place in Arkansas that he can afford and they could take long vacations there. Your Mother sounds like a family women and being away from everyone sounds terrible right now to her. Tell your Dad to try it out with small vacations at a time without the actual selling out and moving everything. He may surprise himself and realize his dream isn’t really what he wants now. That dream was made several years ago. I think he needs to try the ideal out first and then go from there but to divorce over this is not necessary. Trust me!
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She has the illusion most women I have dated. They can change and mold the man into what they want.
I would suggest that he just move to where he wants to go. Doesn’t have to get a divorce … just tell her, “OK, these things are important to you, but they are not to me.” Come on down when you are ready, but I am not waiting for you.”
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If he forces her to move against her will, she’ll only grow to resent him for taking her away from her family and life as she knows it. And if she forces him to stay put, he’ll resent her. Life’s too short. Therefore, I would suggest that if they cannot come to an agreement, then they should go their separate ways.
Perhaps they can just “separate” for awhile and see how it goes. If she realizes she can’t live without him, she might not mind moving afterall. But if they are perfectly happy on their own, they can go through with the divorce then.
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If she agreed to this before they were married then she should stick with it. It would be a sad reason for getting a divorce. Maybe they can compromise on where they move to. Hope it works out.
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If its a state that adheres to Inconceivable Differences; simply put, they agree to disagree. No one is right, not one is wrong.
Your dad wil do what he wants in the long run. It will depend if she will get part of his pension is they divorce, usually comes done to economics. She could make more than he does and still get part of his money, depends on the state in which they currently reside. Equitable Distribution could play a part in that too; who has more of an income, more assets, your dad or his wife. If its a community property state then it will be a 50/50 split.
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She seemed to of married him thinking she could change his mind. If he was clear, from the beginning, then to me, this is a deal breaker. Has she ever googled Hot Springs? Its a really cool town, horse race track, beautiful lakes & marinas. Your Dad has picked a perfect place for retirement, he could meet someone new once he gets there.
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if he wants to move then he should move where he will be happy……..it is a shame that she does not want to go with him..and the other members of the family could come visit like you said…they do needed nurses in arkansas and also they need them in missouri………..but what he decided to do will be his decision and hopefully she will go along with him…….he married her and i do not think this is a good reason for a divorce.so hopefully they will come to a decision that will work for both of them………or they could even live separately until one of them makes up there mind that they do not want to live separate from the other………..
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She knew how big a deal this was to him when she agreed to marry him. Maybe he should have gone through a little more discussion with her and/or a longer waiting period to get a better sense of whether she actually meant it, but if she’d been honest about her doubts or really thought through how she felt about moving before she committed, they wouldn’t be in this situation now. If neither of them will budge, then there’s really nothing to be done but separate.
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Did she sign a prenupt? Can they afford to have a place in the country?
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Your dad is a little selfish. Do you really think people get married with conditions like that? “Oh, I will only marry you if you always let me decide what we eat for dinner!” That’s ridiculous. A married is about two people, not one and asking her to move away from all her family is really very hard. They both need to compromise, but if a person really loves the other, I don’t think they would ask the other to make such a big sacrifice if it was that hard on them. Either your dad resents his wife, or his wife resents her husband.
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