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would you should i read this?
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2 Responses to would you should i read this?
I’m very sorry, but I have to be honest. I don’t think you have a strong plot (if any at all), and your excerpt is weak. You have lots of unimportant details (basically the whole note, and the new phone, laptop, and the money) and I’m not very interested about what’s going to happen. I wouldn’t read it. Sorry again, but writers can always learn from their mistakes!
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The first sentence is a run-on. I would put the book down there. Also, you need far more variety in sentence structure… It’s boring. Are you new to the English language? Contractions (like don’t, can’t won’t) are your friends! They make your writing sound less stilted. Punctuation is also your friend. Commas help your writing make sense… And you could make this far more interesting by not spelling everything out for your reader… Leave things for us to infer!
Good luck.
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